'Twas the night before Easter. All was calm and laid back.
Fred, the mouse in the kitchen, snarfed down a late snack.
The eggs were all dyed but still drippy and sticky...
To be honest, they looked just a little bit icky.
There were big jelly beans, chocolate bunnies and such,
And as Fred stuffed his face, he sighed, "This is too much!"
Phil and Rose were in bed watching late night TV,
While munching saltines with low-sodium Brie.
Then a sudden commotion rang out in the night.
It shook Phil and Rose, really gave them a fright.
Phil's hair stood on end, and his eyes bugged out big...
Rose whipped off the covers and knocked off her wig.
They lunged to the window, yanked open the blinds...
What they saw was amazing; it boggled their minds:
Across the night sky, with a noise like the dickens,
Soared a minivan drawn by eight overgrown chickens!
At the wheel sat a bunny -- cute, fuzzy and fat --
In designer blue jeans and a Panama hat.
Like a speeding space shuttle, those chickens they flew,
As the van driver called to each hen in his crew:
"Now, Ashley! Now, Sheila! Now, Kelsey and Bo!
On Bethany, Liza! On Daphne, on Flo!"
The van made its landing lickety-split ...
Nearly wiped out the shrubs and the barbecue pit!
Then up on the roof, much to Phil's consternation,
They squawked of egg prices and space navigation.
They made so much noise that Phil started to stammer,
"If you guys don't shut up, we'll get thrown in the slammer!"
Fuzzy hopped down the chimney, amidst all this racket,
And emerged from the fireplace, adjusting his jacket.
This bunny was chic, he had class, he had flair ..
Not your average bozo, not your typical hare.
His ears were enormous; his huge overbite
Was right under a nose like a pink neon light.
His manner was smooth, he was hip, he was cool;
This floppy-eared bunny was no fuzzy fool.
"While I'm here," he smiled, "Everybody relaxes ...
I'm not selling storm windows, won't audit your taxes.
I'm just here to bring you some fun and delight.
Eat, drink, and be merry! Let's party tonight!"
So they sipped diet soda and swapped silly jokes,
Those birds and their bunny just being plain folks.
Then flop-ears said, "Hey, friends, we've had quite a ball,
But my chickens and I are now due in St. Paul!"
He crossed both his eyes. Then he wiggled one ear,
And he yelled to his chicken team, "We're outta here!"
As the minivan rose in the 3 a.m. sky,
He called out, "Later, Phil! And to you, Rose, good-bye!"
As he sped out of sight, his two friends heard him say,
"Happy Easter to all! Have a beautiful day!"
Why the Easter Bunny Brings Eggs
10. Big tax write-off.
9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?
8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled.
7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens.
6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.
5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.
4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.
3. Would you want to hunt for waffles?
2. He thinks guys should get chicks at least once a year.
1. Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.
Reasons I Still Believe in the Easter Bunny
1. Hey, I watch television. Every year, he's there clucking in the Cadbury egg commercials.
2. Who do you think delivers all the baskets and stuff, the little chicks? Doubtful.
3. When I was six, I saw a bunny at the scene of the crime. He put his finger aside his nose, and up the chimney he rose.
4. It was a little cafe somewhere in France, I was young, and yes, I believed everything he told me.
5. Someone is posing for those chocolate rabbit molds, and I think you're thinking what I'm thinking.
6. Who else has time to color all those eggs? Not me, Jack.
7. Yeah, and Peter Rabbit didn't think Mr. McGregor was going to catch him in the cabbage patch either -- get with the times.
8. I had a pet rabbit in the 4th grade, and he told me it was all true.
9. Once, I put a tooth under my pillow, and in the morning I had a marshmallow Easter egg.
10. Someone has to believe in the Easter bunny.