There I was looking for boat-building advice. Then suddenly, four hours later, I've discovered what incredibly long memories you have; most of my old jokes are already here! Let me share this before someone beats me to it.
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It had been a long flight, but finally the transcontinental was taxiing to the terminal at Heathrow.
"Welcome to England" crackled the tannoy. "Please remain seated until the plane has completely stopped. London is warm and damp: 22 degrees and 65% humidity. On behalf of myself and the crew, thank you for flying with us."
"So now we've got a two-day stopover before we go back home", continued the captain. "Any plans?"
"Oh yeah", replied the co-pilot. "I'm shooting off straight to our hotel for a sh*t and a shower, and then I'm on a promise with that sexy new stewardess."
It was then that the sexy new stewardess realised with horror that the captain had forgotten to switch off the cabin PA. She started running towards the cockpit, tripped, and fell full length in the aisle.
A wrinkled and ancient nun in the aisle seat leaned over and touched her gently on the shoulder. "There's no need to rush my dear. I distinctly heard him say he was going to have a sh*t and a shower first."
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