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 Wednesday funnies

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Damien
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PostSubject: Wednesday funnies   Tue Dec 20, 2011 9:09 pm

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am?
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
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Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.
"Really," says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
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My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I have been to the op shop to get all her clothes back.
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A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
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I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin,
3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!" lol!
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My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70.
"Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."
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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
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I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
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I was driving this morning when I saw an RACV van parked on the side of the road.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
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I just met a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. He wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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Footski
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PostSubject: Re: Wednesday funnies   Wed Dec 21, 2011 9:09 am

Never seen so many 'groan' jokes in one place!! Laughing
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Norseman
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PostSubject: Re: Wednesday funnies   Wed Dec 21, 2011 1:12 pm

Cheers Damien, very good. No2 Labradors tickled me, and 'lost the plot'

Dave
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nhp651
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PostSubject: Re: Wednesday funnies   Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:15 pm

THE AUSSIE VERSION OF CREATION

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach.....

And BBQ's......




He created night for going prawning,
Sleeping
and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.



On the Second Day, God created water....for surfing,
swimming, and BBQ's on the beach,
And God saw that it was good.




On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer

And wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good..




On the Fourth Day God created animals
And crustaceans,chops, sausages,
Steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.


On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the Barbie with.



So God created Mates,
And God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling Barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good .. ....

Well.... Almost good....

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas
to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good.....

It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!


IT WAS
AUSTRALIA!!!!!

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Footski
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PostSubject: Re: Wednesday funnies   Thu Dec 22, 2011 7:37 am

Brilliant.. Laughing
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