A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up
big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as mustang.
He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had
only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy
finally called him into his office for the young man's
last interview.The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong
kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all
look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude
Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.
We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son." Then, sliding
a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief
said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens,
six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.
"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"
Do you remember the famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced
Pee-Kaa-Boo)? Well, Picabo is not just an athlete, she is now a nurse
currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan
Unfortunately, she is no longer permitted to answer the hospital telephones.
It seems it was causing too much confusion when she would answer the
phone and say, "Picabo, I. C. U."
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son,
it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my
last nickel." "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the
entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold
the apple for ten cents." "The next morning, I invested those ten
cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold
them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month,
by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37." "Then my
wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.
The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked
him how far away he was from the accident.
The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches."
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer.
"Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I
measured it!" replied the carpenter.