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Damien
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PostSubject: Hahahaha   Mon Oct 01, 2018 1:10 am

Pick up lines gone wrong.

HE: Can I buy you a drink? SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money. 

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. 

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. 

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must've been given your share. 

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. 

HE: Your face must turn a few heads SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs. 

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. SHE: Okay, get out. 

HE: I think I could make you very happy. SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
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Damien
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PostSubject: Re: Hahahaha   Tue Oct 02, 2018 1:59 am

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. 
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. 
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That`s your common sense leaving your body. 
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that. 
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. 
I saw it through my telescope last night. 
You're not fat, you,re just easier to see. 
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, Here, fill this out. 
I can't understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, Sag Harbor.
Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
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Damien
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PostSubject: Re: Hahahaha   Tue Oct 09, 2018 2:36 am

A widowed lady, travelling alone, was taking a long plane trip back to where she & her husband both grew up. Upon arriving at the airport she informed the airline that she wanted to take her dog with her in the cabin. She became angry when the airline told her she couldn't, but finally gave in and allowed them to put the dog in the baggage compartment. The airline pilot told her, "It will be warm & pressurized in there, & your dog should be just fine. Nothing to worry about." Upon arrival at the first fuel stop, the crew went to check on the dog and found it dead! The airline crew quickly ran all over town until they found a dog of the same color, height, weight, and sex & put it in the cage in place of the dead dog. Upon arrival at their final destination, they hand delivered the lady her dog. Quite surprised, the woman says, "Sorry, but that's not my dog! Could you please go get *my* dog?" The airline pilot replies, "Sure it's your dog. Look! It's the same height, weight, color, & sex as when we loaded it." The lady again insisted, "THIS, IS *NOT* MY DOG!" The airline pilot asks her, "Just how do you know that this isn't your dog?" The widow answers. . . . "Because my dog was dead! I was taking it home to bury it next to my husband!" 
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Damien
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PostSubject: Re: Hahahaha   Wed Oct 10, 2018 3:16 am

A wholesaler in New York sent a letter to the postmaster of a small Midwestern town. He asked for the name of an honest lawyer who would take a collection case against a local debtor who had refused to pay for a shipment of the wholesaler's goods. He got this reply: Dear Sir: I am the postmaster of this village and received your letter. I am also an honest lawyer and ordinarily would be pleased to accept a case against a local debtor. In this case, however, I also happen to be the person you sold? those crummy goods to. I received your demand to pay and refused? to honor it. I am also the banker you sent the draft to draw on the merchant, and I sent that back with a note stating that the? merchant had refused to pay. ?If I were not, for the time being, substituting for the pastor of our local church, I would tell you just what I thought of your claim. 
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Damien
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PostSubject: Re: Hahahaha   Thu Nov 29, 2018 12:39 am

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?" 
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davidjt
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PostSubject: Re: Hahahaha   Thu Nov 29, 2018 4:41 am

2thumbsup 2thumbsup 2thumbsup 2thumbsup 2thumbsup 


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