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 First fully computerized airliner & others

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Damien
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Join date : 2011-06-11
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Location : Ballarat Vic. Aust.

PostSubject: First fully computerized airliner & others   Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:05 am

[b style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"]The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman," a voice intoned as the airplane lifted off. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong... nothing can go wrong... nothing can go wrong..." [/b]




[b style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"]The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman," a voice intoned as the airplane lifted off. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong... nothing can go wrong... nothing can go wrong..."[/b]




[b style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"] [/b][b style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"]Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." [/b]

[b style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"]Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." 
Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before! 
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before."

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?" 
Caddy: "Oh yes! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!" 
Caddy: "This isn't a watch, its a compass!"

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin any day of the week!"

Golfer: "This golf is a funny game."
Caddy: "It's not supposed to be." 
[/b]




[b style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"]A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, some yesterday, some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." The women were then told to exchange phones and to read aloud the text message responses. 

Here are some of the replies: 
1. Who is this? 
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick? 
3. I love you too. 
4. What now? Did you crash the car again? 
5. I don't understand what you mean? 
6. What did you do now? 
7. ?!? 
8. Don't beat around the bush, just tell me how much you need? 
9. Am I dreaming? 
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 
11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day. 
12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn't she?? 
[/b]





[b style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"]On Coast Guard Cutters, low-ranking crew members take turns in the galley helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes and spilling food. One day, alone in the galley, he noticed an un-frosted yellow sheet-cake cooling on a counter. Determined to rectify past errors, the seaman made chocolate icing and carefully decorated the cake with it. The seaman stood proudly by the dessert as the head cook returned to the galley. Frantically, the cook began to look around. "Where did my cornbread go?" he shouted. [/b]
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