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Damien
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PostSubject: lost keys   Wed Nov 19, 2014 10:03 am

After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal 'TSA Pat down.' They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty! I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen." There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. "Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He retorted, "I WILL, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your darn car!" 
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davidjt
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PostSubject: Re: lost keys   Wed Nov 19, 2014 6:37 pm

yet another great joke lol!lol!lol!lol!lol!


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Damien
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PostSubject: Re: lost keys   Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:28 am

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait, Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back affirming this too had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?" Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "I'd say let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell." 






"What's your father's occupation?" asked the teacher on the first day of the new academic year. "He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" "He saws people in half." "Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?" "One half brother and two half sisters." 

I took Mom to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" "Naturally," she answered, "I take a book." 
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Damien
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PostSubject: Re: lost keys   Mon Dec 01, 2014 4:46 am

One night Lynda found Dennis standing over their Grandbaby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said. "It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50." 
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davidjt
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PostSubject: Re: lost keys   Mon Dec 01, 2014 5:02 pm

2thumbsup 2thumbsup 2thumbsup lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!


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